Good morning Sonny, it’s about 5:05 AM. As I lie in my bed, I’m very aware that I needed to rendezvous with you this morning. Sleep flees my eyes, and I emerge from my bed determined to see the rising sun with you on the beach. With a sense of urgency, I quickly dressed, made a cup of coffee, and scurried out the door in anticipation. I couldn’t help but notice as I drove past the hazy fog lazily lifting from the ground, I glanced up at the western sky watching a full moon obediently bidding the morning “Adieu”. Driving towards my destination, the morning fog surrounds me pulling and tugging just like the sleep I left behind in my bed, which oddly reminds me that sometimes things must lift and whisk away in order for us to see the beauty of what lies beneath.
Guess what sonny? I am at the bridge crossing over to the beach with full view of the skyline the time is now 6:47am with only four minutes to show down; the sun is scheduled to arrive at 6:51am on this 28th day of February. Everything before me is gray highlighted by hazes of tangerine ebbed in mustard golden highlights with a slate blue backdrop. The clouds are hanging so low just above the beach that they actually look like peaks of mountain tops. I’m here now, and I purposefully park where I can feel close to God and close to you.
As I park, I think, “Where is the full moon that dipped so low on my exit from home”? Ahh, there it is behind me waiting just as patiently as I for the parade of a lifetime. I think to myself as I position my camera to take in the full essence of it all, “why haven’t I done this before?” The sand of the beach is almost a terracotta color, and dots of seagulls fly against the backdrop of the mountain-like clouds. At this time of morning, it appears as though the clouds are forbidding the water to escape. Each element is in awe stricken obedience to the rising of the sun. Ah, here it comes now Sonny, do you see the thin lining of light just above the ridge of the clouds? Wait for it baby, hold on because against the crescendo of the crashing waves, in sync with everything else, lends way to a beam of radiant yellow gold fading against the slate blue sky like a beacon of light emerging from a light house. What do you think about this babe? You and me out together this morning? Water was your element, and knew I would find you here. Again the question reverberates against my chest, “why haven’t I done this before?” I’m here now with you and that’s all that matters. I stand in awe sipping my coffee not wanting to miss a single second. Destiny says to me all the time, “mom be IN the moment”. So I am, and I look around to see if my friend Mr. Moon, an emblem of my yesterday is with me still as I embrace a new day. I steal a glance and yes, he is still there just like me waiting for the full essence of the Sunrise. Somehow, I feel he wants to safely hand me over to the start of a new beginning, a new hope and a fresh outlook on a day I have never seen before. I imagine if the two of them spoke, it would be, “Good morning Mr. Sun, I am trusting Carmen into your charge, I have watched over her during the night and I trust you will do the same on today”. The sun will then reply, “I’ve been waiting for her and I will”.
Looking into the horizon, I notice after three shafts of yellow gold, the crescendo of the waves are just as excited as I, because bobbing just above the mountain-clouds is the peek of sunrise in all it’s majesty. I wait. Then like the curtains rising before a performance, it ebbs up slowly in full majestic form casting a beautiful ribbon of bobbing light dancing upon the water. I take it all in babe, then I give myself permission to turn my back on this performance long enough to go to my car, pull out my chair and sit it close to the waters edge allowing the sprays of sea to dot my face. The saltiness matches the tears that are now rolling down my cheeks as I let the reality of this moment sink in. How I miss you. How I miss you. I want to scream, but I don’t, only huge lumps form in my throat. The little birds are here to comfort me, trying so hard to entertain me, they come close, almost as if to say, “dry your tears the ocean weeps for you”.
The tide is coming closer now, I pull my chair back and let the caress of the wind dry my tears. I tell myself and you that it is ‘alright my baby’. Thank you for sharing this time with your mama. I wonder if the love I have for you runs deeper than the depth of the ocean before me. My heart feels so full, I will sit here until I empty it out on this beach, salt for salt, water for water, tide for tide, and spray for spray. My tears and the ocean knows only the love a mother can give.
The tide is coming in closer, the fullness of the sun is in my face, the dawn of a new day and the hope of a new beginning. Thank you Lord.
~ Loving you in Quantum Leaps
Mom
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