Updated: Sep 18, 2022
Healing begins with the acceptance that something beyond your control is broken. A decision to begin the process of healing must be intentional and a laser focus discipline. Healing together as a family is a way to strengthen your resolve and create the support one needs to move through the process.
My beautiful daughter Destiny Amaris, decided to whisk her mother away to a beautiful winery in Georgia, the infamous Chateau Elan on my 52nd birthday. At that time she was a college student and only 21 years old, but she planned to the most intricate detail, a get-a-way of grandeur and splendor for us. So far it is the best birthday I have ever experienced. The weather was divine, the food exquisite and the setting breathtaking. It was the beginning of a resolve to celebrate the memory of my son Curtis Israel Gray in a positive relaxing space. It was splendid indeed, very intentionally planned with a goal in mind to celebrate my birthday and heal together. She spared no expense.
Healing is strategic, it requires a space of time, a place and a mindset. Do you have a designated time in mind for daily mending? Do you have a dedicated space conducive to healing? Creating that time and space is valuable, so let’s talk about how to get started...
What will you allow yourself to heal from? You have to reach down and lay the hurt before you and identify specifically if it is an event, a person, or a loss. It may be that it is all three things combined together. In mine and Destiny’s case, all three scenario’s applied. The more healing you need to do, the more focused you must become.
Create Space: It’s hard to heal in a toxic environment
Your environment is crucial to healing, recovery, mending, intentional targeted forgiveness and reflection. Find a place in which you can rendezvous with your truth, the "real you" when you don't have to perform in front of others and where you can hear your conscious mind reveal the inner contents of your heart. Real healing begins with owning truth, facing realities and developing a clear perspective and the "who that you are while in the pain". In your pain are you projecting that onto others? Is your bitterness casting a shadow on the innocent by-standers in your life? Are you debating self harm? Is the weight of the hurt causing you physical pain? Are you strong enough to ask for help?
Having an environment conducive to self discovery is necessary. If you are in a busy home where it seems impossible to escape, find a walking path, a park bench, a scenic location that allows you some solitude to heal. If you are a person who enjoy elements of nature like water, find a body of water nearby to visit even if it's just a stream, a pool, a beach or lake. I like nature trails and the tranquility of the freedom of the wind, therefore, I ride my bike so I can hear the dialogue of my inner-self as I become one with my surroundings. Whatever and however you find space to heal, make it a priority.
Imagine yourself already healed. How does it feel, what does it look like, what energy are you depositing from a heal placed? What new freedoms will you allow, and who will you attract now? What opportunities await you from a healed place?
Give yourself permission to let it go
Letting go does not mean you don't allow yourself to mourn the loss of a loved one, or grieve the significance of the loss, rather it allows you to dismiss the toxicity of circumstances that may outweigh the joy of the memories you have built over the life-time with that loved one. Letting go grants one the freedom to lay to rest the uncertainties or regrets, blame and other self-inflicted blows that causes one to remain broken. That applies to any loss; the loss of a loved one, the death of a marriage, the loss of a home, the loss of a relationship; the loss of a career; the loss of anything that you may have held dear and is now no more.
Letting go may also represent the anger that has fueled your energy for years. Perhaps you don't know how to be free from anger, or worry, fear, rejection, anxiety or bitterness because they have been your tried and true companions for years. Perhaps you struggle with complaining or self-deprivation or perhaps jealousy, and the letting go of those companions may leave you uncertain as to how to move forward without the familiarity of those things dictating your quality of life. When you make a conscious effort to heal, these handlers must be dealt with because they are potentially a part of your norm that will keep you from healing,
Healing takes courage, because it is like allowing a scab that has covered a wound to finally come off. Yes, the tenderness under the scab will still be there but time has a way of healing all wounds. Eventually just as with a physical wound, wounds of the heart and emotions will develop new layers of protection and will no longer feel as painful as the origin of the wound, but one must be intentional in order to let the healing begin. I highly recommend journaling, it will allow you to follow yourself and see your progress. Allow yourself to be true to your feelings, they are safe and the only witnesses of your truths will be what comes from from your heart through the pen to the paper. How will you begin healing?
Author: Carmen A. Gray
LLC Rise Above the Violence, Inc.